Guten tag, I must be going..

And so, in the light of The Worst Kept Secret In Formula One being revealed (see previous post re Lewis Hamilton's future employment prospects) we must bid farewell to the man in whose place young Mr Hamilton shall be racing next year.

Yes, at the ripe old age of 43, Herr Michael 'Schumi' Schumacher is hanging up the old crash hat & racing boots for the second time in his career and sloping off to spend more time with his millions, sorry, family.

When the newly re-branded Mercedes team announced that team principal (and man whose name resided above the factory door for 12 months) Ross Brawn had lured his old pal out of retirement to drive for him a couple of years ago, the response from Formula One fans was mixed to say the least.

Whilst some were ecstatic that the man who'd chalked up a stunning seven World Championship titles would be returning to show the current crop of PR-friendly automata just what a real racer looked like, others feared - justifiably it seems - that Michael would have lost his edge in the 3 years he'd been sat at home observing proceedings on what would most likely have been one of the biggest tellys in existence..

On the face of it, Michael's presence at the pointy end of the new venture had all the hallmarks of yet another smart move from master tactician Ross Brawn & the suitably well-funded Mercedes outfit. Whilst he would undoubtedly be a bit rusty in the new style F1 car with its considerably-reduced amounts of downforce and fully-slick tyres, it wouldn't take this wily old stager long to get back up to speed and start putting in competitive laps on a par with his widely-admired rising star team mate, Nico Rosberg. As it transpired, Michael seemed to struggle against the competition, and whilst he never actually found himself consistently lapping at the tail end of races with the likes of Marussia, it's pretty telling that his best result at the time of writing is a third place on the podium at Valencia behind two other World Champions, Fernando Alonso & Kimi Raikkonen.

The general consensus amongst the F1 fraternity it would seem is that whilst it was nice to have the Silver (née Red) Baron back in the mix, it's probably good that he safely bows out now with dignity rather than squandering his inestimable reputation trundling around every other Sunday in something your Grandmother could probably out run in her automatic Micra..

Personally-speaking, I was never Schumi's biggest fan - especially after that incident in Adelaide in 1994 - but I've always maintained a healthy, if grudging respect for his metronomic ability to think his way to victory after victory and, despite myself, found that I was eager to see him put a few of the new hotshoe breed in their place.

Realistically though, I reckon that was always a bit of a long shot - yes, Niki Lauda & Alain Prost proved in the past that you could come back, but for Michael, those three years away from the bleeding edge of competition had proved too many. Perhaps it was age, perhaps it was the realisation that he just didn't need to be doing this anymore - who knows, but I for one am glad he gave it a shot at least.

Mach's gut, Michael & thanks for playing..

David Wakefield.

Blindingly simple - or so you'd think.

Well, once again the "season of mists of mellow fruitfulness...blah, blah.." lines are being trotted out as the mercury plummets below effing cold degrees C here in the UK and we road users find ourselves faced once more with that hardy old perennial; namely, foglight abuse.

Yes - as if they needed another excuse to push every single button with the wiggly-line headlight icon stamped on it, the Great British Public now has another tool in the box marked 'guaranteed to wind up my fellow motorist' - the box which of course contains such helpful, blood-pressure-raising delights as the badly-adjusted, retina-searing headlight, the billion-watt 'in-car' stereo system (see most 'enhanced' Saxo VTRs) & of course the magnetic front bumper (Audi/BMW).

It seems increasingly likely that there is some kind of national epidemic triggered by the arrival of the first fog of autumn - the symptoms being an itchy fog-light finger that feels compelled to operate the auxilliary lamps mounted at front & rear of the victim's vehicle upon the detection of even the slightest gentle mist wafting from a meadow or playing field to within, say a couple of feet of the road. These symptoms manifest themselves quickly, regardless of the severity of the mist/fog cloud & regardless too of the proximity of other road users who then find themselves afflicted with a burning sensation in the eyes caused by bright red or white lights in their field of vision. And, unfortunately, due to the apparent aberration within the sufferer's brain which causes the activation of what might be mistaken for a mobile tribute to Blackpool at Christmas time, he or she is apparently unable to switch these lights back off with the same haste when the fog recedes or another vehicle is clearly visible within say oh, half a mile.


Takes a breath, slurp of tea and one of those little pink pills the nice doctor said would reduce that twitching vein on the temple.


Suffice it to say then that the misuse of foglights is normally guaranteed to elicit a certain consternation here at Motortalk Towers - this particular outpuring of ire being triggered by the usual commute into West London this morning from the leafy Surrey/Hants countryside where many of the team are based.


The signs weren't good as the temperature fell like a stone last night and the mist started rolling in to the valley where we live early in the evening - and as I chiselled the ice off the car this morning with the temperature gauge bleating a bracing -2 deg C I just knew that we were in for a dazzling display of motoring ignorance all the way up the A3 & beyond..


And, we weren't to be disappointed as, joining a busy but flowing A3 south of Guildford there were more than a few vehicles within plain sight of each other with their foglights on front and rear for no apparent reason other than at some point their drivers had experienced fog and had switched them on.
Yes, it was quite foggy in places - particularly in & around the country lanes which link home to the main roads but honestly, not one of the people I found myself driving alongside on the roads this morning could justifiably have claimed that having these extra lights aglow on their vehicle was neccessary - apart, perhaps from the bloke in a Fiesta whose offside headlight had failed; we'll give him the benefit of the doubt..


Now, don't get us wrong. Used correctly, foglights are a very effective and worthwhile fitment in a country such as ours with its, er, changeable weather patterns, and an extra bright rear lamp can be a real confidence boost when stopped in fog on a blind bend or travelling slowly on a misty & poorly-lit dual carriageway where distance judgement can be tricky as visibility is dramatically reduced.

In fact, there's a growing acceptance of the use of - in particular - rear fog lamps in territories where they are not manadatory as they are here in the EU, indeed Mini owners in the 'States successfully lobbied BMW USA to make them optional on cars sold over there and web forums relating to other models not fitted with the feature as standard regularly feature 'how to' instructional posts for those keen to add the functionality to their vehicles.


So, on the whole then, they would seem to be A Good Thing if used correctly & not as an additional piece of posing equipment chosen from the options list (BMW 1 Series owners, you know who we're talking about here) or as a light-emitting cloak of invincibility which renders the user impervious to danger in foggy conditions.

To that end, perhaps it bears repeating that, according to none other an authority than The Highway Code (last read by approx 99% of drivers the day before they passed their driving test):

"You MUST NOT use front or rear fog lights unless visibility is seriously reduced (see Rule 226) as they dazzle other road users and can obscure your brake lights. You MUST switch them off when visibility improves."


And 'seriously reduced' is usually taken to mean less than 100 metres, or 328 feet if you can't get to grips with that new-fangled decimal nonsense.

So, to all those who press every single lighting button on the dashboard, a plea.

Why not take the time to read two quite important pieces of literature?

1) Your vehicle handbook - it'll be that tatty thing stuffed under the seat, in the glove box or propping up the leg of the dining table which has never been the same since that incident with the gin & the hacksaw.

It'll tell you all about what those buttons which look like they switch the headlights on actually do & what the lights they're actually connected to are for.

2) The Highway Code - No. No, we've no idea either - probably long gone and unlikely it's ever been looked at since you ripped up the L plates - well, here you go, here's the bit you need:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Highwaycode/DG_069859

pretty much the first line on the page..

You're welcome.



Dave Wakefield

Sold (subject to contract)

Well, with a flourish akin to a stage magician pulling a rabbit from a top hat, Spyker have achieved a similar trick with SAAB - yanking them from the dark silkiness of oblivion and back into the harsh limelight of the automotive world's attention.

To be honest, when we wrote yesterday of our hopes that the Swedish firm would be rescued at the last minute we weren't overly optimistic to put it mildly; but the fact that the Dutch have pulled it off - for now at least - has left us feeling just a little bit happier that one of the world's more interesting marques will continue to be around for a while longer.

It's still early days and there are (900)i's to be dotted and T's crossed but barring any major mishap (he says, checking the calendar and making sure it's not April 1st) Spyker have increased their payroll by quite a substantial order of magnitude.

It's fair to say that there are many out there who are questioning the viability of this arrangement, asking quite rightly how teeny-tiny Spyker will be able to manage ownership of a comparatively vast operation such as SAAB, let alone turn around their ailing fortunes.

Others point to SAAB's relatively paltry sales figures and limited model range (no lead-in model along the lines of the ubiquitous Golf being the main criticism) and state that the brand is irrevocably damaged by the recent uncertainty surrounding the company and its fortunes.

We do indeed share these concerns and will be watching developments with a keen eye; however, one should consider that logically-speaking, no-one in their right mind is going to commit the rather large sums of money such as have been invested by Spyker and the European Investment Bank (a loan, incidentally underwritten by the Swedish Government) without the belief - particularly at the moment as we scour the financial landscape for any signs of  the elusive Green Shoots Of Recovery - that they are going to make a return on their investment.

For the time being then, we wait with interest and hopeful anticipation to see what Victor Muller, Spyker's Chief Executive and Jan-Åke Jonsson, his opposite number at SAAB (soon to be re-titled SAAB Spyker Automobiles) have up their sleeves.

Whatever they're planning to do though, there's little doubt that they are going to have to work fast if they are to rebuild SAAB's image and establish themselves as a credible brand with a strong and successful future ahead of them.

If they hang about, they could well just be delaying the inevitable..

Dave Wakefield

Spyk'd - SAAB to be saved at the last minute or consigned to Valhalla?

As one of the three main major markets for SAAB worldwide, we in the UK might be forgiven for taking more than a passing interest in the tempestuous fortunes of Sweden's 'other' car manufacturer.

We've commented before here at UkMotorTalk on the travails of the company and have made no secret of the fact that we would be very sorry indeed to see this once innovative marque disappear for good into the acrid smoke of General Motors' financial implosion.

With yesterday's hints that the tiny Dutch sports car company Spyker was close to finalising its protracted purchase of SAAB and a huge 70-something percent leap in their share price on Euronext Amsterdam it appeared to us that perhaps this unlikely purchase was indeed about to come to fruition.

This news came as Luxembourg investors Genii Capital - who had also tabled a last minute bid in conjunction with none other than one Bernard Ecclestone (aka "The King of F1 © ® TM") - looked to have fallen out of the running to take over the company, leaving Spyker as the sole remaining suitor asking for the Swede's hand in marriage.

So - deal done then or will The General still be of the opinion that the Dutch bid wasn't serious enough?

Well, later on in the day, a much anticipated press conference (partly responsible it seems for fuelling the rumours of a successful deal with its attendant skyrocketing of Spyker's share price) in Detroit appeared to pour a liberal dose of cold water on the story with GM's Head Honcho Ed Whitacre stating bluntly that no deal had yet been done and the winding down of SAAB would continue as planned.

To those of us following this saga with interest and, it has to be said, crossed fingers this came as just another opportunity to exhale resignedly and slump the shoulders that little bit more as the old 'one step forward, one step back' dance routine played itself out yet again.

Ever since Spyker, a diminutive manufacturer of bespoke and, dare we say, slighly mad motor cars for the well-heeled individual threw its hat into the ring we've been somewhat confused as to just where the Hell they were going to get the money from, let alone how a tiny little operation such as they are was going to take on the running of the operation which in 2008 produced approximately 90,000 vehicles. (Spyker's projected output from its new Midlands facility - 50 cars per year).

The Dutch company has investment from both Russian and Middle Eastern sources and doesn't appear to be suffering unduly in the teeth of the worst economic downturn since the 1930s but all the same, given that Koenigsegg (another relatively well-funded potential owner and producer of slightly less mainstream automobiles) got cold feet and bailed out of the deal earlier on, a Dutch/Swedish tie-up still looks as tenuous as it ever did.

From a more optimistic point of view, were Spyker and General Motors to come to a 12th-hour style arrangement, what could we expect from this new outfit?

The general feeling by those in the industry is that SAAB have for quite some time now been a shadow of their former quirky, innovative selves, getting by with creaky, re-hashed versions of cars that originally saw the light of day - in the case of the venerable 9-5 at least - as long ago as 1997. And whilst a bold replacement for the aforementioned midsize exec is still being readied for production despite the continuing shutting down of the company it remains to be seen whether this much-needed car will ever see the dim light of a Scandinavian Spring or be offered to the Chinese to go with the rest of SAAB's ageing line-up to which they have purchased the rights, further complicating Spyker's task of rebuilding the brand.

For what it's worth, we believe that there is much that the two companies could learn from one another.

Spyker has expertise in constructing its own chassis and major components whilst buying in engines and transmissions from such manufacturers as Audi (in the case of its bonkers C8).

Couple this with SAAB's undoubted underlying innovation; they were first with direct ignition, turbo-charged mass-production engines, active safety systems and so on - honed perhaps through neccessity as GM pulled the purse-strings ever tighter - and the two companies would seem to have the making of an unlikely yet complementary relationship as a lean yet innovative producer of safe & thoughtful (SAAB) yet well-built and enjoyable (Spyker) sporting saloons and coupes.

Appealing perhaps to those who look for quality, innovation, quirkiness and sporting characteristics in their motor but are dissuaded from maybe buying an Alfa Romeo due to (partly unfair) concerns over quality, SAAB might well find that they flourish under the reins of a company who know how to build fun and excitement into their products whilst they bring a dose of Scandinavian practicality and real-world pricing to the party.

All this may well come to nought, and given the ominous noises coming from Motor City this is sadly looking more likely by the day, but we here at UkMotorTalk are still holding out some hope for what we at least believe could be the making of a beautiful relationship..

Dave Wakefield

Ice & snow? Mind how you go..

As the first major cold snap of the Winter descends upon us here in the South of England UKMotortalk's Graham Benge gives us all some timely advice on how to make safe progress on icy roads.

The second freezing morning in a row, it's obviously very cold everywhere as not only do I have to scrape my car's windows - it's minus 3 where I live - but also, while doing so, I get yet another radio request to do a piece on driving in bad conditions.

Interesting that my piece over the mobile phone while parked up, was preceded by a man from the county council on the gritting and salting they would be doing, yes they had plenty of everything, including, by the sound of it, complacency.

This wasn't so in February when we had a lot of snow, local authorities are still smarting from the drubbing they took for that error of judgement..

Fact is there has been no gritting yet on any of the roads I travel involving an A and B road transit across 3 counties, so are they holding off until the weather is worse? Didn't do much for the several areas of black ice I encountered this morning, remember the shinier the road the more dangerous it is!

There's plenty more bad weather driving advice on our website -

but the most important things to remember in driving in adverse conditions are:

1:leave earlier,

2:leave enough time that you can go slower than usual, and

3: drive more smoothly than you would normally, most accidents on ice and snow are caused by excessive speed, coarse steering and too agressive braking and accelerating - gently does it!

Graham Benge

Brighter, Better Headlight bulbs...

A few weeks ago, I was driving home from my regular pub quiz night... You can picture it... Wind, rain and dark, country roads.... I thought the road just looked a bit, well, dull!

When I got home, I confirmed that the dipped headlight bulb had blown.... So, the next day, once the rain had stopped, I replaced it with a spare bulb I had bought some time ago for this exact purpose...

Job done, I thought as I switched the lights on and did a full bulb test to make sure all was ok....

And, yes, the job was done... The car was legal again... All lights showing as they should....

But then I drove in the dark again... And I didn't think the road looked any brighter than it did before! So I checked the lights again.... Yes, all working...

It was now I began to wonder if I had got used to all of those bulbs that come with great claims for extra brightness that most of us would find hard to quantify....! 40% extra... 50% extra... And with price tags that are possibly exponentially inflated with the claims!!!

A little internet research, and a few tweets later, I had decided that I wouldn't mess about... Osram Nightbreakers claim an extra 90% at the same 55W.... That'd do me!

But, hang on a minute... The Passat takes 4x H7 bulbs for its dipped and highbeam headlights... This could get expensive! A quick (made all the briefer by the pain in the wallet!) search of the internet suggested more than £30 a pair.... Did I really want to spend £60 just to make the road a little brighter?

One more journey in the dark gave me the answer... YES!

So, I then dared to dive into ebay... and suddenly the prices didn't seem as extreme! In fact, roughly half as extreme!!!

I decided to buy from ebay seller wattbulb07 .... You can't generally argue with a 100% feedback rating...

The next day a package appeared......

So, £35 and a couple of damaged knuckles from the fitting, (that's a different story!), and the road ahead is, once more, a brighter place...

I guess this kind of thing may well sound trivial, certainly not as thrilling as driving the new Bentley or Aston, but in terms of road safety, and saving your eyes whilst driving at night, I find it money very well spent...

Of course, a lot of cars have clever headlight arrangements these days... HID, projector lenses, DLR, LED.... the technology and acronyms are endless... But if you go and put a "dull" bulb behind them, they might as well have candles!

Andrew Denyer

Astra La Vista.

As the fifth iteration of Vauxhall's ubiquitous Astra makes its way off the end of the production line to be replaced by its shiny new progeny, Alex Henry takes a parting look at a car whose replacement may well be the product of fashion rather than neccessity.


It doesn’t seem that long ago that the Mk5 Astra was launched.

Actually, it wasn’t that long ago – 5 years.

Back in 2004 GM gave us the first Astra that for once someone might actually want to buy, rather than choose off an unimaginative fleet list. Nicely styled inside and out, convincingly well made and with a staggering variety of trim, engine and specification it really made a case for itself.

It was even good to drive.

Fast forward to 2009 and the Mk6 is just about now landing in Vauxhall showrooms. It’s a car that has a lot of weight resting on its shoulders, but fortunately, reviews to date have been very positive. Certainly the larger Insignia model, the Vectra replacement which bears more than a few similarities to the new Astra, has been well received and an undoubted success.

Model cycles these days are really very short and this is made clear on reacquainting myself with the Mk5. This particular car, a 3 door sport hatch, has remained basically unchanged since launch nearly 5 years ago. As nearly always seems to be the case, promises of a more sporty, sexy looking version of the plain old 5 door hatch didn’t quite come to fruition when this body shape was revealed but it would be hard to argue that this car looks staid. Yes, it’s got a bit of a fat arse and is slightly ill proportioned, particularly on the smaller wheels of this SXi version, but the design has stood the test of time.

The same applies to the interior design. The dashboard mouldings, door cards and instrumentation have not overly dated due to their restrained, functional style and decent quality rubberised materials, which are in stark contrast to the nasty, shiny effort of the Mk4. The only thing these two cars have in common is the rather old-hat orange dot matrix display of the radio and trip computer.

During this model’s lifecycle I’ve had the opportunity to try a variety of engines, from smaller petrols right up to the 2.0 turbo petrol and full fat 150BHP 1.9 Fiat sourced turbodiesel, and none of them have disappointed. This 1.6 litre petrol probably best illustrates the car in typical trim although it’s interesting to note that naturally aspirated petrol engines will not feature in the Mk6 Astra at launch.

This engine delivers 115BHP smoothly and despite some resonance, enjoys being revved hard. This is a good thing because the only way the car can be coaxed along at a decent pace is to work it hard through the five speed gearbox. This too is nice to use, a light, precise action with a short throw across the gate and a positive feeling clutch. The only real fly in the ointment is the detectable hesitation on the electronic throttle – a delayed response which always seems to catch you out and which makes its presence felt in stop start traffic. It’s easy to make yourself look like an amateur even after familiarisation with it, the car sometimes still jerking along even after convincing you that you had mastered the use of it.

Ride, steering and handling are all good. These days it would be hard to imagine anything else, so high has the standard become on even the cheapest of cars. Even on sports suspension, ride is firm but well damped, steering action is fast and feedback plentiful and large reserves of grip are on offer. As is usual, an emphasis on safe understeer is apparent when really pushing but this is not something most people will even begin to approach. It’s a good drive.

There are some niggles. Some of the interior plastics are poor. The dashboard interfaces are not as simple as their looks would suggest and it’s easy to mistake the stereo volume control for the heater and vice versa. Navigating the stereo and dash menus takes plenty of patience and no reason can be found for some of the buttons being so small. The air conditioning button is a good example, being on the wrong side of the gearlever for right hand drive and really tiny. GM never seem to be able to get these sorts of things right - despite first appearances they always manage to make you feel that the accountants were in control inside rather than the designers. Little things like the cheap feeling mirror control buttons, the semi-flexible front seats and the awful, awful indicator and wiper controls with their electronic cancellation. Much was made of these at launch but they are noticeably AWOL on the new model. They cause misery. The speakers on the stereo are very tinny. Little things like these make a big difference.

What’s most remarkable about this outgoing car is that it doesn’t feel like its time is up. When the Rover 800 was replaced by the 75, it was quite clear that this was long overdue. Likewise the Mk4 Ford Fiesta and so many other tired cars. It’s a bit like when a new version of the iPod comes out less than a year after the previous version. As cars increasingly become part of the throw-away world, earning their owners scrap payments whilst still being serviceable, this sort of thing is inevitable and increasingly common. It hardly seems five minutes ago since the last generation Renault Scenic was launched and now there is a new one. The Ford C-Max too. The Fiat Grande Punto is on a major facelift after just over three years, and there was nothing wrong with the way it looked in the first place.

The new Astra will no doubt move things on a little further, with some new technology and better environmental credentials but I get the impression that new model launches, although important for the manufacturer, just aren’t as significant as they used to be. With every year lopped off model cycles in the name of fashion, the anticipation of the replacement decreases. Perhaps it would be worth bypassing the Mk6 Astra altogether, and waiting for the Mk7 generation for real excitement. By then we are promised much in the way of propulsion system changes and superefficient motors, not just a new badge design and traditionally cancelling indicators.

Alexander Henry

Chic & Cheerful - Fiat's Nuova Cinquecento finds a fan..

Unless you're registered blind or housebound, you cannot have failed to have noticed the steady influx of the cuddly new Fiat 500 onto the nation's roads.

This unashamedly-nostalgic reworking of Fiat's classic from the 50s has stolen the hearts of thousands of style-savvy motorists not just here in the UK but throughout Europe and even further afield.

Even BSM have chopped in their fleet of staid Vauxhall Corsas as they rush to embrace the cheap running costs and undoubted stylistic attaction of the little Italian bambino.

Everyone it seems is anxious to get into one of these fun-filled retromobiles, and contributor Alexander Henry is no exception..

Unlike many people, I was never a fan of the original Mini. Perhaps it was memories of being driven to school in musty smelling British Leyland era versions in awful colours with plastic seats, bouncing along on rusted out subframes, or perhaps something else. But I didn’t like them. The reinvented BMW version when it came along in 2001 didn’t stand a chance then. Although I wasn’t keen on Issignosis’ original I was at least able to recognise its place in motoring history, an important brick in the wall of car development – clever use of space, suspension, drivetrain and value for money making it accessible to most. The new one to me missed the mark totally. It was none of these things. It had room for the driver and front passenger and nobody else. Or their stuff. It was bloody expensive. It wasn’t really British even. And worst of all, it rapidly became adopted by legions of estate agents. The MINI (as it is now known) could do nothing more to make me hate it, despite reports of it being good to drive.

This whole retro thing, started with the Beetle, taken over by the MINI didn’t float my boat. Both of these attempts to recapture the youthful, swinging spirit of the original cars seemed to be excessively cynical. The Beetle, built for pennies on an outdated Golf platform in Mexico, and powered by a VW Transporter engine in the wrong place was never going to last surely? And then came the reports of Citroen reinventing the 2CV and FIAT the 500. Citroen’s claims arrived in the form of the lumpen C3, but FIAT came good on their word, previewing the Trepiuno concept which was clearly on the verge of crawling down a production line. This new 500 confused me. I wanted one.

The fuss died down, I still hated the MINI and its estate agent clients, the Beetle continued to look more and more ridiculous, and occasional reports of nuova 500 progress appeared in the motoring press. I rediscovered my love for small Italian cars at about the same time FIAT was doing this themselves, purchasing one of the first of the excellent Grande Punto models – the first decent small Fiat since the Panda a few years beforehand, itself the first decent small Fiat since the original Punto was launched. FIAT had discovered their mojo again. Finally, the nuova 500 was a reality. The press had their cars, James May test drove one on Top Gear and pronounced it a joy, and not being able to wait, I set to work on the Italian language car configurator, forming my ideal car. All of a sudden this made sense. I was transported back to my childhood – seemingly infinite variations of colour, trim, specification, stickers, brightwork, engines. No limits. Every engine could be had in every trim, every colour, every option. I ordered the teaser brochure. This in itself was a marvel – a glossy A5 sized ring bound funpad, with stickers to move about and reposition, overlays and colour swatches.

When they announced it was only going to cost £7,900 in the UK, it was clear that my relationship with the Punto was coming to an end. Not so my outstanding finance on that car however, so it had to wait. A trip to the dealer managed to assuage any fears of it being too small to consider but a test drive had to be put off until February 2009. With my girlfriend in tow (actually, she was just as keen as I and drove it first) we set off in a posh Lounge specification car, powered by the 1.3 diesel engine. The ability of the car was remarkable. It felt solid, grown up, well made and put an enormous grin on my face as it was thrashed out of creepy Crawley on a test route. I always say that the worth of a car is always clear once you’ve had it up on two wheels and this demonstrator did not escape. It showed it was a proper FIAT, responding to every demand in the way I would expect.

With a motoring history averaging one car a year over 13 years, surprisingly only two of them were brand new. Choosing a new Clio in 1998 and even the Grande Punto in 2006, was fairly easy if underwhelming. Set the budget, choose the colour and that’s about it. When sat opposite the dealer having completed the test drive and committing to purchase, actually choosing a 500 is really rather difficult. Much was made of the MINI’s umpteen million spec combination and the 500 is much the same. Start with a blank canvas and make your own choice. To be honest, this could have been very difficult for me. As most around me will attest, I suffer from a form of selection anxiety. I find it distressing choosing breakfast cereal in Sainsbury’s and often linger here for several hours. Choosing a multipack of crisps has much the same effect on me. It’s one of the reasons my local supermarkets recently started opening 24 hours. And to the best of my knowledge there are only 83 kinds of cereal and 52 types of crisps. I had 500,000 Fiat 500 specifications to choose from.

Fortunately I had been practising for nearly two years already, since the car was launched in Italy. Many an evening definitely NOT wasted, spent configuring, saving, naming and recolouring – all in the name of research and an eventual aim. So where best to start? Number one consideration was budget. I’m not wealthy. I work in Insurance. I have a company car already which is quite posh. It was always going to be the Pop version, the entry level car. Not only this but the Lounge model which is the next one up has horrid seats and a glass roof which robs headroom. I didn’t like the wheels on the Sport version. These concerns and a firm belief that a small Fiat is always at its best in basic, solid paint and wheel trim form started me off. When it comes to cars, I believe in a law of diminishing returns – the basic car is always worth paying for if it’s good. You drive the chassis, the engine, the brakes, not the trinkets. Trinkets break and fall off, get tarnished and don’t pay you back what you forked out for them in the first place. With a basic version you get most of what the car means, for the least outlay.

You also get nicer seats.

The 1.2 petrol engine was chosen. This was the same motor as in my Punto, which was quite a lot bigger. It did the small FIAT petrol thing perfectly – loved to rev, sounded great, provided pace that belied its miniscule power rating and rewarded being driven HARD. In the 500 it’s a revelation. This engine is actually really old, but here it is clean, refined yet fizzy and economical. It’s the only motor to emit under 120 grams of CO2 and thus place it into £35 a year tax country, unless you include the diesel. A diesel in cars this size is always a false economy so this was rejected. It was always going to have the black ambience – steering wheel, seat belts, dash trim and inserts and seat tops and despite worries about stains, the red seats.

What colour outside? White. The only free colour. And the colour that works best. Everyone else seems to agree, literally every other one I see is finished in this colour. The car was ordered 14th February and duly Christened Valentino. I’ve never named a car before. I don’t think I have ever admitted in public that I have now done so either.

Valentino was delivered the day after my 30th birthday and we celebrated together with a tour of the South coast – Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight. Everywhere we went, the road ahead was scanned for other 500’s. Every one we spotted was flashed and (nearly) everyone waved back. This is a game I play over 6 months later and I never tire of it. It seems the 500 makes people smile. A Spring outing to the AutoItalia festival at Brooklands brought an enormous amount of pleasure with Valentino being parked with dozens of other cars, driving through the crowd thronged event on a beautiful sunny day sandwiched between Ferraris and Lamborghinis is something I will never forget.

The funny thing was that this modern interpretation of the original 500, a car which has a passionate following, was never questioned. Many an Issignonis Mini can be spotted wearing a ‘100% BMW FREE’ sticker. I’ve never heard nor seen any unpleasant comment from the original 500 brigade, despite the new one’s engine being in the wrong place, Beetle style. In fact, at Brooklands, new and old were parked up together like boys and girls at a primary school barn dance, only voluntarily.

The new 500 is a marvel. It’s £3000 less than the cheapest MINI. It’s smaller, yet has more space inside. It’s cleaner, more accessible and isn’t identified with hateful estate agents. OK, it’s not perfect – the ride is a little bouncy, the steering has no feel to speak of and some of the components feel a bit cheap but the return on the investment is staggering. And confidence must be high – BSM recently agreed to replace their entire Vauxhall fleet with the little FIAT and this can only be a good thing for residuals, with demand for used examples surely being pushed up by new drivers with wealthy parents looking to buy their offspring something they feel comfortable in. I’ve only seen girls learning in them though, which makes me wonder – how come I never feel at all.... metrosexual driving this car? How come I see so many blokes driving them and how come so many blokes seem to be driving powder blue examples? This is something I can never explain, although I did note that every original 500 I see is being piloted by a man, generally with a large beard.

Alexander Henry